Won't Go Home Without You
by Alyss Ashworth
Summary: When the group rejoins Ash and Misty are overjoyed to see each other. But, how can they tell each other their feelings without the risk of denial? Oneshot songfic fluff. Duh AAML, what else would it be?


Won't Go Home Without You

Ages: Ash-16; Misty-16; Brock-19 (but his age really doesn't matter. He could be 27 for all I care. But why would a 27 year old be traveling around with two 16 year olds? Wait, why would a 19 year old do that? Oh well, Brock's just a weird guy I guess ;p)

Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon. DAMMIT! Okay, I got that off my chest. phew! ;

Beware, the POV changes between Misty and Ash, but I bet you're all smart enough to tell who's talking.

* * *

_I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen  
She left before I had the chance to say  
Oh_

Misty and Brock left over two years ago. Now they're back, and we're traveling around Kanto again so I can participate in the battle pyramid. May and Drew left to follow a separate route to compete in the contests with Max in tow. But I still remember the day our original trio split up; one of the worst days in my life. I remember Misty running out of the pokemon center, head down and tears beginning to fall. What had I done wrong? Had she seen through my forced cheerfulness? Was she upset that I was faking it and I really should be happy she got her bike back? Or maybe she thought I was actually joyful over the fact that she was leaving, and that the past five years traveling together had meant nothing to me.

If that was what she thought, then she thought totally wrong. I was so distraught and angry that her sisters called and wanted her home. I wouldn't have been as mad if they just missed her and wanted to spend some time with their baby sister. No, they just wanted Misty to watch the gym while they went off on their little cruise. How selfish can you be? Didn't Misty say to them specifically that she left to become a water master and then left? So why would they think she wanted to come back? But, maybe she did want to go back. Oh no, now I'm confusing myself. She seemed so upset when she left, but perhaps she wasn't that sad and after a day or two was excited to be back in Cerulean.

_The words that would mend the things that were broken  
But now it's far too late, she's gone away_

I guess I could have figured that out if I had only talked to her that day. There was a moment, right after we sent team rocket blasting off and those three Li brothers running that I was going to say something. She had just finished thanking Brock and I about being such good friends, and being there for her. I was going to respond by telling her that _she _was the one who was a good friend, and I didn't know what I was going to do without her at my side and rescuing me when I was in trouble. I was going to say that I didn't want her to go, didn't want to know what that kind of life was like. But when I opened my mouth, all I could say was, "You have to go soon, right?". A moment that could have been so nice, a chance to finally tell her, blown. Good job Ketchum, real smooth.

Again, when we parted at the crossroads, she asked "Will I ever see you again?". How I wanted to say, "Yes! I will be there at your door step the very day your sisters return because I don't want to spend one day away from you that I don't have to". What came out was something along the lines of, "You will". Again, me and my big mouth. Why does it all sound so good in my head but then I chicken out when I start to speak? I couldn't say much after that; I think I was in shock at spoiling another moment. It was only when Misty and Brock left to go home that I could mumble to myself how much I was going to miss them. And then all of a sudden they came back! Alright, you get another chance Ash! But no, all you can do is accept their gifts, cry, and tell them they should go now so they won't see you sob like a baby.

By the time I could see again, I was half way to Pallet and I had told Misty nothing of my feelings. And it was too late, she had gone away.

_Every night you cry yourself to sleep  
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?  
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"_

_Hard to believe that_

It's been two years. Two years since I've camped out under the stars. I really missed them winking their lights at me as if communicating in some code that I will never understand. I missed the breeze, the sweet smell of the grass, and the shifting creak of the trees as they move from side to side. Who am I kidding? I didn't really miss these things. At least, I didn't miss them as much as I did a certain person. That day my sisters called was the beginning of the end. The end of my time traveling with Ash and Brock. The end of meeting new pokemon, people, places. The end of happiness. You might think I'm sound a little dramatic, but it's true. Life at the gym was so boring. All I did was battle rookies, clean out the pool, and do paper work. Not only was there the monotony but also tons of free time. And in that time I daydreamed about Ash. I missed him so much. The reason I first began journeying with him was because he destroyed my bike. But another, more important reason, replaced that one. I made friends with him. We could laugh together, argue together, get lost together, and at the end of the day still be buds who would confide in each other.

Of course, my feelings progressed from that of friendliness, to admiration, to adoration. He was so kind, so gentle, so fun, and at times rather naïve, but that made me love him all the more. He was a unique kid, one I had the pleasure of spending everyday of five years with. But then, oh then, my stupid sisters called me home for a year. And I was so upset when Ash was happy for me. Couldn't he be a little sad that I was leaving? Couldn't he look back on all our time together and realize that things might be a little different when I was gone? A little more gray, a little less fun? Or maybe he was just being dense Ash, thinking I was excited to go home and be a gym leader. Happy that I got my bike back. I didn't care about the bike! I cared that I was going and was sad, yet he apparently wasn't!

I thought after we beat team rocket and the brothers he was going to say something. I had just realized that I didn't want to leave Ash and Brock in tears. I wanted them to know I was grateful for their friendship. And after I was done, Ash stepped forward. He said my name, paused, and I thought "Is this it? Could it be he's going to say I'm a great friend, and he's going to miss me dearly? Miss me because ..." But no, he didn't say that. He just said my bike's over there and "don't you have to be home soon?". My spirits fell; we began walking. Just before parting, I debated whether or not to tell him. Tell him that I thought of him as more than a friend, and that this was ripping me apart. I wanted to know if we would meet again, he told me we would. I almost said it, I almost did! But Brock and I just turned at left.

Then I remembered, Brock and I had gifts to give! So we turned back. And as I approached, I heard Ash muttering something about me under his breath. I stepped softly, willing him to go on, but then Brock interrupted him. I, disheartened, gave him the handkerchief and left. My only consolation was that he was crying when we turned to go. I know that sounds bad, but I found pleasure in his sadness. Maybe, he was crying because he knew tomorrow I wouldn't be there. Maybe he now knew that we really were splitting up and regretted it. I knew I did.

Now we're together again. When I saw Ash after two years apart, my heart told me in speedy thuds that I still felt the same about him as I had all that time ago. I was overjoyed, and he seemed happy too. But I was still too scared to tell him about my feelings. What if he didn't feel the same? I would rather travel with him as only friends then risk him turning away my affection and then having things so awkward between us that I would have to leave. Besides, my sisters were at home to stay. Hopefully we would be traveling together for a while.

That was all well and fine during the day. I could think this and then soon be distracted. Ash would say something, do something that would make me laugh, a pokemon would cross our path, or an adversary would have to be defeated. Things were always going on and Ash would never be far away. I would always be able to see or hear him, and that was all I wanted. But at night, when we all settled down to sleep, I couldn't hold my thoughts at bay. I couldn't stop the oppressive love that I felt for the boy not five feet from me but could never show him. It would swamp me, leaving me feeling so bad that I would cry. I would cry because if I didn't tell him we could never be in love, and my heart would break. Then I would cry harder as I told myself if I did tell him, my heart would break even more because he couldn't possibly love me back. Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much. But it was so hard, every moment was so hard. All the time I would see him and it was bitter sweet, I could be with him but not in the way I wanted. Why does this happen to me?

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you_

It's night time now. Misty and Brock have already gone to bed. But I can't sleep. Today was the end of the first week we have been reunited. It's like a dream that I want to go on but then want to wake from at the same time. On one hand, I get to be with my friends again. Which means I get to hang out with Misty. How I missed her smile, and her laugh. I even missed our fights. Today we had one about who got us lost and ended up not speaking to each other for quite some time. The whole hour we were silent I regretted fighting with her. She was one of the most important people to me, why would I argue with her? Who cares who got us lost, we're lost half the time anyways and don't even realize it! My ego got the better of me and now I was left to deal with the consequences. But then, she smiled at me, and asked me if maybe we were going to get to Maiden's Peak in time for the festival again, because she was thinking and remembered how fun it was last year despite the whole ghost thing. I could do nothing but smile back and hope that we were. She is so amazing; she can just forget about the fight we had and act like nothing happened. I love her for that. Actually, I love her for many things. That just happens to be one of them.

That and other such incidents made this week great. We caught up with each other's lives, laughed over the good times, and talked about the journey ahead. Everything was perfect.

Well, almost everything.

I said that there was a downside. The bad thing was that I still hadn't told Misty how I felt. I'm just too chicken. What if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings? What if she says she would like it if we just stayed friends? I don't think I would be able to travel with her after that. To know that she doesn't love me; would be the worst thing in the world. At least this way I can fool myself into thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, she likes me a little more than average. So I remain her friend and retain the privilege of spending everyday with her. I just long for something more than what we have. I just wish I had one more chance, one more perfect situation, to tell her how I feel.

_The taste of her breath, I'll never get over  
The noises that she made kept me awake_

I try to lull myself to sleep with memories of her. I think of her bright orange hair, so beautiful when she lets it out of its ponytail. Probably so smooth and soft, a luxury I will never get to touch. Her laugh and her voice plays through my head like a broken record that I don't want to fix. I want the music to keep playing. Each day I listen to her and memorize another track to hear later again and again. I turn over in my sleeping bag and try to picture her face. Her sparkling blue eyes, so full of life and emotion. Her dainty little nose, her round cheeks. And her rosy red lips. I sigh deeply. I wish I could feel those lips on mine. I want to taste her breath, and see if its as sweet as I imagine. Another sigh, I'll never get to sleep with these thoughts. Once Misty is in my mind I can never get her out. Not that I try very hard anyway. I try to think of pokemon instead, but then I hear her mumble a little in her sleep. Suddenly she's back in my mind and I'm wide awake again.

_Oh  
The weight of things that remain unspoken  
Built up so much it crushed us everyday_

I can feel it now. It's like a weight. I look over at Ash and see he's staring at the ground. What little of his face that is visible looks serious and sad. Like he's reaching for something but it's just out of grasp, and he can tell that it will never be his. I notice that his shoulders are slumped, carrying some invisible burden as well as Pikachu and his backpack. My own arms feel heavier than normal, and I have trouble picking up my feet. A silence hangs between the three of us. I think even Brock's noticed it. It's thick, and I could probably cut through it with a knife. It must be what's weighing me down. But what about Ash? What's bothering him? I know that my unspoken emotions have built up so that now I carry them in the day, but that can't be his problem. Can it?

_Every night you cry yourself to sleep  
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?  
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"  
Hard to believe that_

It's night again. What a day. The last few have been pure torture. It's getting to be too much. I can't stand having Misty right next to me and not being able to tell her how I feel. I just want to hug her tightly against me, or kiss her. But I can't, it would ruin our friendship. And this hurt is a lot smaller than the one I would feel if we had to split up again; this I know. Yet it's crushing me. We've stopped talking and a silence accompanies our group. It's uncomfortable, and oppressive. Misty seems downtrodden and unusually out of it. I wonder what could have her looking so glum. Maybe my emotions are rubbing off on the others. But Brock doesn't seem very bothered. Why is it just me and her? Could it be-?

My thoughts are stopped by a new noise. I roll over on my side so that I now face Misty's back. Through the dark I can see that her sleeping bag is moving ever so slightly. There's that sound again. It seems to becoming from Misty, because every time it gets louder her shaking increases. It's very quiet, and the moving very subtly, but I'm close and alert. And then I realize, she's crying. Misty's crying. The sound is her sobbing and her shoulders are shaking as she tries to repress it. My heart aches; why is she crying? Why is she so upset? I can't bare to see her like this. I move Pikachu out of the way as I get up quietly so I don't wake Brock and crawl over to her side.

"Misty," I touch her lightly on the arm. "Misty, what's wrong?"

At the sound of my voice her little noises of distress stop and she turns to look at me, half rising to lean on her out stretched arm. Her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are slightly red yet she is still a visage of beauty to me. But it seems as if seeing me only makes it worse, for her face crumples and she begins crying harder.

I'm slightly taken aback by this and quickly remove my hand. "Sorry," it's the only thing I can think of saying. "I don't know what I did but I'm really sorry".

A choking sob and a sad laugh. "Oh Ash, it's not your fault. It's just me". More crying ensues.

Glad that I didn't do anything to hurt her -I would hate myself if I had- I move closer and wrap an arm around her shoulders. She stiffens at first, but then relents and continues to cry into my chest.

Secretly, I'm kinda glad she's crying. I get to be closer to her. I get to hold her. It's everything I've dreamed of, except she's crying. Which most definitely is not a good thing.

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you_

"Misty, tell me what's wrong," I hear him murmur to me. I couldn't help myself, I had started crying again that night. It was just awful walking right next to Ash but knowing he will never love me the same way I love him. He heard me, and came over to help me. Seeing him like that only made it worse. He's so caring, and compassionate, and he will never be mine. I cried harder and he pulled away. He was afraid he did something wrong. You could say it's his fault for making me fall in love with him, but I'm really the one to blame. I keep my emotions bottled up inside, I'm the one bringing this pain on myself. I tell him not to worry, he's done nothing wrong. After this he embraces me, and I can't help but turn into him. It's so nice to feel his arms around me, and his voice softly soothing me. I just wish I wasn't crying and that we were always like this. It's getting to hard to keep my love a secret from him.

"Please Misty, I hate seeing you like this. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll make it better, I promise. I'll do everything I can to help you" Ash says this as his hand rubs circles into my back. That's it, I can't take it anymore. He's so sweet, so good, and so wonderful in every way. This is my last chance, because if I don't say anything I'm going to die under all this pressure. I may not make it through the night without letting him know. I must be out of my mind to tell him, but at this point it's an all or nothing ultimatum and I have no foresight as to what will happen after I tell him.

"I-I can't take it anymore" I whisper into his shirt. He smells so good, so clean. My cheek is pressed against his chest and my head is tucked under his chin. At my words he pulls me back so that he can hear better. I look at the ground, unable to meet his eyes.

"I can't live like this. It's like half living, half torture!" my voice stays at a whisper but gains emotion. "I don't want to spend my days like this!"

"So-so you want to leave? Is that what you're saying? You don't want to travel with me -and Brock- anymore?" Ash stutters. I can hear the sadness in his voice. I can hear the defeated tone. What does it mean?

"No!" I cry passionately and finally face him. His eyes are filled with concern, wariness, and confusion. I can see a hint of fear as well. "I don't want to leave, but I don't want to go on! I don't want to be your friend!" I struggle to keep my voice low. His eyes widen, and hurt fills them. His mouth is open but no words come out. I can't look at him. I can't see that expression and then what his face looks like when I next speak.

"I don't want to be your friend" I repeat softly. I pause, debating. Maybe this wasn't so smart. Now that I've stopped crying, my common sense has returned. But it's too late. Ash already thinks I don't want to be his friend. I can't really recover from that and not explain. So I take a shaky breath and go on.

"I don't want to be your friend ... because I want to be so much more than that to you" my voice drops even lower and my eyes close. This is it. This is the part where everything gets uncomfortable and we stop speaking to each other.

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you_

I thought my heart stopped when Misty said she didn't want to be my friend anymore. My heart didn't beat and I went numb. It was the end of life as I knew it. She didn't want to journey with me and she didn't want to be my friend. What was the point of living if Misty wasn't with me? I could only stare and gape at the girl in my arms. Misty looks at the ground, and tears no longer fall from her eyes. I can still feel her warmth but it does nothing to cure me of my shock.

She repeats herself, and takes a deep breath. Here it is. Here's the part where she asks me to get my slimy arms off of her and starts ranting at what a dense, stupid, pokemon crazed little boy I am. I should have seen this coming.

"I don't want to be your friend ... because I want to be so much more than that to you". Again, my heart stops. This was not what I had expected. It takes me a while to compute it, but my mind finally grasps at what she said. And the result is that I am even more stunned than before.

"Wha-what?" I rasp intelligently. I can hardly believe it. Did she really say that? Did she just say she wants to be more than friends? I have to be dreaming, this can't be real. I bite my lower lip hard and discover that I must be awake because that _hurt_. With this information comes joy. But it's not joy, it's pure ecstasy. It's even bigger than that, it's a feeling I have no name for. The burden I had been carrying is suddenly lifted from my shoulders and I feel like running, screaming, and laughing all at one time. Something holds me down, and I remember that Misty is still in my arms. That made me realize I had not said anything. If I had been feeling weighed down, then that must have been how Misty felt! She must have been crying because of all the stress! Oh no, I had made her cry! And here she was, looking like she was waiting for me to strike her or verbally abuse her or something.

"I love you" I practically break bones as I pull her into another hug. I bury my face in her long hair that's been freed for the night and sigh in pleasure. I had gotten my chance, my moment to tell her. I'm so grateful that she had the nerve to say something first, otherwise we both would have been under a lot of pain for a long time.

I hear her sharp in take of breath, and then suddenly all the air is squeezed from my chest.

"Oh Ash" I hear Misty sob from over my shoulder as tears once again pour from her eyes.

For some time it's all we can do but hold each other and revel in the fact that both of us are now joined in mutual love. I don't ever want to let go and Misty is making no attempts to break away. Everything is perfect.

_Of all the things I felt but never really shown  
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go  
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh_

The only thing I regret is not telling her sooner. I shouldn't have let her go that day two years ago without telling her how I felt. I should have gone with her to the gym, or we should have done something, because finally I feel whole. It's like I've found my other half and can be truly happy again. It was the worst thing in the world letting Misty go, and I'm never going to do that again.

"I'm sorry I let you go" I tell her now. "I'm sorry I caused you so much pain".

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you_

I shiver as Ash tells me this. I love him so much, and now I know he loves me back. What else could I need in life? My dream has finally come true. After all these years of hiding a part of who I am; I can be the true me now. I can randomly hug Ash and tell him how much I love him. I can hold his hand as we walk down the path and I can turn to him when I'm afraid or scared without being afraid of showing too much affection.

"Don't be sorry," I tell him sincerely. "I had to go, and I'm just sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was so afraid you wouldn't feel the same about me". I pull back a little reluctantly. But it's worth it because now I can look at his handsome face and get lost in those gorgeous russet eyes. I feel like I'm going to melt. He's giving me such a sorry look. It recedes a little, and love replaces it. How much I've wanted to get that look, that one that says "I'll be with you 'till the end of time".

"Can I make it up to you?" Ash's hand comes up and brush my bangs away before traveling down my cheek and cupping my chin. I lean into it as his thumb strokes my jaw and I know I'm his. Even such small contact as this makes me like putty in his hands. I don't know if he realizes this, but it won't be long before it's obvious.

"Mmm" my eyes are threatening to close in sheer delight at this moment but I want them to stay open. I want to continue looking at this marvel before me who just said he loves me. It is unbelievable, and yet I am sure I'm not dreaming. The most wonderful person in the world has chosen me, and I will always be in his debt for this.

Ash smiles, and pulls me closer. Suddenly there is no space between us and I can feel his lips on mine. He kisses me softly, and slowly, but I can feel the eagerness behind them. I want more too. I want to feel more of his delightful warmth on my mouth and more of the pleasure that sparks just under my skin. I lift my hands and place one on his shoulder and the other on the back of his head. I press down with my hand and up with my lips. The result is an even deeper kiss and the loss of all sense except radiant joy. Fireworks are going off in my head and all my nerves are humming in contentment.

Now it's not just an innocent little kiss, these are hungry kisses. This is years of pent up emotions and the need to express that love to each other. This is for days wondering about what the other felt like, tasted like. Ash's hands move down, leaving a trail of goosebumps, until they reach my hips. There, they take hold and drag me even closer. Now we're almost flush together and only lean back enough so our lips still touch. I don't think things can get any better, or feel any better, when suddenly Ash licks my lips and we open a whole new door.

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you  
And I won't go home without you  
And I won't go home without you  
And I won't go home without you _

We sit there, in a clearing, in a forest, with Brock asleep no more than twenty feet away, and kiss in the moonlight. I never want this to stop. I want to keep on feeling her hands in my hair, her tongue in my mouth, and her lips against mine. But we have to bring this wonderful moment to an end. I reluctantly detach myself from her, but Misty growls and leaps at me, almost knocking me backwards, and we start kissing again.

This goes on for some time, neither of us willing to let the other go, until finally air becomes a necessity. This time it's Misty who pulls away. She sighs blissfully and rubs her cheek against mine. I give a sigh of my own and gather her into me so that she's cuddled in my lap. Her blue eyes open to stare up at me and I get lost in their swirling depths.

"What?" she asks quietly.

"You're so beautiful" I answer back with no hesitation. Misty blushes and that only adds to her wonderful complexion. Her head rests on my shoulder, but she moves up to lightly graze the skin below my ear with her lips.

"Well, you're handsome, caring, and an extremely good kisser" she teases lightly.

Now it's my turn to blush. I can hear her laugh softly at my embarrassment, but I feel nothing except love welling in my chest. How could I have ever fought with this angel? How could it have taken me so long to tell her? How could I have let five years of traveling together go bye before I experienced this?

She yawns, but tries to disguise it and snuggles closer. I see it though, and slowly get up with Misty still in my arms.

"What are you doing?" she says rather indignantly. "I was comfy!"

I chuckle softly and walk over to her sleeping bag. Seems like we moved when we got caught up in our, er, feelings.

"You're tired, and I don't want you to wake up grouchy" I tease her back.

"I could never be grouchy at you Ash" she smiles at me so sweetly that I almost smother her in more kisses. But it's late, and I don't want her to be weary tomorrow. Instead, I shake my head and lower Misty gently back to her sleeping bag.

Once she's down, she lifts up her head to give me another kiss. I kiss her back lightly and she moves to make it deeper.

"Misty," I moan against her lips. "Don't, I won't be able to go".

"I don't care," she whines. Then she pulls back to look me in the eye. "I'm not going to sleep without you".

I can only smile as my heart bursts again in happiness. I reach over and grab my own sleeping bag and tug it so it's right next to hers. I open mine wide then lay down, patting the empty space next to me. Her eyes light up as she understands and wiggles in at my side, dragging her sleeping bag over us. I wrap my arms around her stomach and drag her close so her back is flush with my chest and I can rest my head on her shoulder. I breath deeply, taking in the sweet scent of her hair, and sigh gratefully. This exceeds even my greatest dreams.

"Better?" I breath out.

"Mmm" is all she says. Then she giggles. "I wonder what Brock will do when he wakes up tomorrow. And Pikachu is bound to notice he's sleeping on the ground and not with you".

"I really don't care" I tell Misty as I eye my pokemon not far away. "I'm just so happy. Too many years have passed by without me saying anything to you".

We sat there in contemplation of this. What would have happened if one of us had told the other before now? When had been the first time I realized I loved Misty? It had come on so gradually I didn't even know. If she had told me all those years ago, would I have felt the same? Would I be confused, or too embarrassed to say anything back?

I didn't want to think these things. We were together now, and that was all that mattered. I hugged Misty closer to me to confirm this. This surprised a gasp out of her and then a small laugh.

"I don't think I can sleep" she confided. "Reality is finally better than my dreams".

I agreed, but then grinned wickedly into her thick hair. Which, as I suspected, was soft and luscious. "How can you be sure? We haven't had tomorrow yet".

She whipped her head around quickly to see me grinning slyly and blushed, but raised an eyebrow of her own.

"In that case," she murmured and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before turning back and snuggling in.

"Good night" she said sleepily.

"Sweet dreams" I responded, becoming drowsy myself. All of my love for her and Misty's love for me was overwhelming, and my already tired body was shutting down. And now that I had the love of my life in my arms, I could get a good night's sleep. I wouldn't stop thinking about her, that was impossible, but at least all of those thoughts would be happy and bring me joy not depression. I'm so glad I got one more chance to make it right. When I'm all done with the battle frontier, I'm not going home without her. But I don't think Misty will mind.

* * *

_Oh how I love writing fluff. And I wrote this from like 9pm-1am so I'm surprised it turned out this well. I have to say, the "Reality is finally better than my dreams" part is adopted from a Dr. Seuss quote so credit goes to him. But I actually like this one-shot, so please review! Hopefully the switches in the POV weren't too hard to follow._


End file.
